He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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