I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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