can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
