6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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