Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
