the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
