Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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