There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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