My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
