I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
