I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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