Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize