Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
