so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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