I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
