so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
