did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so let's talk penis.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
