Why does Corona taste like a burp?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize