wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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