I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need moral support for this bender
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
