Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
