He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
