Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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