I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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