no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
