I just threw up on my dentist
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
