I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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