I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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