just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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