I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
