Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
