Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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