he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
