fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
