I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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