every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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