my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
