I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
