But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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