What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
