Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
