I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
