mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
