...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize