I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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