don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
