this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize