i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
