Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
