Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
