Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
