Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
