i wish peter jackson would direct porn
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
