Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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