You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
And then my night got REAL pukey
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
