He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
