I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
