FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
