I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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