every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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