"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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