how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
