dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
