i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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