dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize