Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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