i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
