grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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