Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
