Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
